Before coming to India, many people asked me if I would have a chance to travel. I knew that there was a two week break in November to celebrate Diwali (yet another great Indian festival) and hoped to travel during that time. However, once I got here and became involved in the community, I realized that a two-week train trip through India, though tempting, is not exactly in line with my primary purpose for coming here – service. However, my co-worker, Mrs. Naoko did invite me to help take care of her children on their upcoming trip to Goa. This way, I thought, I could fulfill both of my desires, travel AND service!
We set out for Goa on the night of 4 November and had the craziest, bumpiest, windiest, 10-hour drive through the wildest roads I have ever experienced! I eventually fell asleep, and when I woke up, there in front of me was the glimmering, noble, generous, warm Arabian Sea! I felt like I was back in San Diego for a minute and all I could think about was running into that beautiful body of water. Unfortunately, we had to get set up in our hotel and drove away from the sea before I could go say “hi”. The hotel was lovely and we quickly unpacked our things, got into our swimsuits, and headed down to the beach. As we approached the sand, I was struck by the feeling of the sun. It was not so much that the sun here was hot, but that it was powerful. The rays seemed to sit on the skin and darken it more and more with each passing second. I looked around and saw some of the darkest, richest black skin I have ever seen! Unlike the stunning darkness I have seen in some Africans, the blackness of the people here seemed to have a red, almost burning look to it, as if the sun was in their skin and shining out from within! It was striking! Also, because of the power of the sun here, many people had lighter colored hair, almost a red, brown which looked even more hot and fiery against their dark, sun-soaked skin. To top it all off, Colva Beach, the area where we were staying, is a major tourist destination for many Europeans. So, standing next to a dark Goan, whose skin simply soaked up the sun would be a sunburned European whose skin was in revolt against this sovereign sun. Seeing this sight, I thought to myself how completely absurd it is that we, humanity, has ever placed any value on one skin color over another when the only purpose of skin color is to give the necessary amount of protection from the sun. That is it. The diversity of skin color is a beautiful reality of life, and just like the many colored flowers of a garden, each color adds splendor and beauty to the whole.
When we neared to the shore, there were tons and tons of fish drying beside the beach since many people here rely on fishing as their means of making money. We jumped into the water and I met the Arabian Sea for my first time. We got along swimmingly (pun absolutely intended) and I enjoyed the warmth of the sun, sand, and sea until lunchtime. Goa is known for it’s prawns and fish (as I could see from the plethora drying near the beach) so we filled up on kingfish, baby shark, and prawns for lunch. We were quite exhausted from the drive and decided to head back to the hotel to play in the pool and relax away from the sun. The rest of the day was peaceful and uneventful ending in another seafood filled meal.
As I put the girls to sleep (I took on the girls, Naoko had the boys), I began to think about what I was doing. Why was I here? Who was I serving? Was I just relaxing and wasting my time? In a moment, I found myself panicking. All I had done and all I was scheduled to do for the next 4 days was eat, relax, and soak up the sun. While I am sure this sounds lovely to most, it freaked me out because it seemed completely secondary to my primary purpose and, truthfully, quite decadent. I went out on the balcony to pray and fell apart into tears. What could be worse than me coming to India, living here for a year, and it having no effect on the world, an effort that simply disappeared? I knew that I needed to talk to my mom and asked God, from the very bottom of my heart, that she would call. I swear to you that as I wrote down my request for her call in my journal, the phone rang. I literally was completing the second “M” in “mom” when I heard my ringtone. It was unbelievable! I picked up and shared my fear with her. And, of course, she told me exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. She reminded me that God sees all of our works in His path, acknowledging them in mysterious ways. Thus, as long as my efforts were sincere, they would be seen and noted. How this happens is beyond our comprehension as humans, but we are assured of the confirmation of God in all Holy Writings. That is proof enough for me, and my fears and doubts died down. Thanks for the reminder, mom!
Talking to her got me thinking again about purpose – the purpose of this year, the purpose of religion, and most of all, the purpose of life. Through my study of and meditation on the Baha’i Writings, I have come to realize the purpose of my life. It is simple and it is sincere. It is the two-fold purpose of knowing and loving God on an individual level and working for the unification of mankind on a world wide level. To fulfill this purpose, I must serve others, yes. But, what I realized on that balcony in Goa, is that I must also look within and purify myself. Service without self-purification is dangerous and can lead to fanaticism and self-righteousness. Self-purification without service is only half of the equation and lacks the necessary element of good deeds and actions. One without the other is imbalanced and faulty. At times, I even feel that to divide them into separate spheres is a mistake in itself. In their purest forms, are they not the same thing? As I sat on the balcony, I committed myself to developing my individual spiritual capacities and purifying myself as well as serving others.
I slept peacefully that first night and woke up centered and happy. And, for the rest of my time in Goa that is exactly how I stayed.
Here are some pictures of my centered and happy time!
Walking through Colva beach with Mickey and Rui.
Rui was really full after he ate a plate of prawns. He told me he was pregnant and showed me his stomach. It was priceless.
Mei and me at breakfast.
The inland view from our hotel room.
Thank you all for the love you constantly send my way. I feel it and it is guiding me every day.
